That night I could hardly sleep, all I could do was see the images of my life dance before my eyes. I remembered all of the good and wonderful things that have happened to me. I also thought of all he dreams that I had when I was younger. Life felt good when anything seemed possible. Nighttime was one the few times that I allowed my mind to retreat back to the memories of when I was happier with my life.

 The one thing that did feel good was when I walked Jessica and Rene to school. With my parents being away so often when I grew up I never really experienced the joys of family bonding. I made the decision that I would try and honor Natalie’s request. I also decided that now I was on Earth I should try and make peace with my mother.

There was a gnawing tension inside of me; even though I wanted to help I had to consider my own needs as well. Natalie dropped the bomb on me at a time when I really didn’t know what was going to happen next in my own life. The biggest problem with looking after the children was that I could only see my future and well being taking place on Mars. It was where all my friends and business contacts were. I think life would be great on Mars but would the children adapt well, I was left with this question in my mind.

I slept well and woke up late in the morning. By the time I was out of the shower I realized that I had been left alone for day. I went down to the kitchen and I found a note on the refrigerator

Peter,

Here is some money to go out on the town today. I will be gone for most of the day. Mom and Dad will be over for supper tonight, if you can make it would be great.

Have fun.

Natalie

So this was it, my first day on earth alone and all of the headaches in the world. I was left wondering what I should do. A dark part of me wanted to just slink down and find the local watering hole and drink myself into a stupor. I decided to be more positive and find out about what the city and surrounding area had to offer. I browsed through a whole directory of entertainment and recreational venues until I came upon one such item that seem wholeheartedly alien to me, horseback riding.

There were no domesticated animals on Mars. With the six month voyage to the planet and the scarcity of biological resources the authorities on Mars deemed it unnecessary and unlawful to import animals. Not that we didn’t have animals, we had fish mostly but as a cheap and readily available supply of healthy protein on the planet. Even then most protein in a Martian diet comes from vegetable matter. 

I took a cab out to the farm that advertised the horseback riding. The one thing that I forgot to notice was that normally horseback riding was only offered on the weekend. At first the owner of the farm, Johan tried to send me away, explaining that none of his staff was around and that he had chores to do.

I really don’t know if it was my charm or the fact that I was the first Martian that he had out at the farm but Johan reconsidered the situation and took me out for a ride on the trail.

The tranquility and the quiet amazed me. Johan and I rode through a meadow and then a forest. He didn’t say much but at the end of trail he decided not to charge me. He told me that I should bring my niece and nephew out some time.

It was a wonderful afternoon; the only problem I had was that Johan didn't tell me how to sit in the saddle properly. By the time I got back into the cab I was sp spre I could barely sit down. People who have traveled from earth into space often notice the beauty of the starts but for a man from the stars there is remarkable beauty in watching the leaves fall, the flow of a stream or even just taking a moment to smell the flowers in a meadow. 
 

The blue sky and the wind blowing on my face feel entirely alien to me. People on Earth really do take their surrounding for granted, especially the space. I just look at the park that is down the street from Natalie’s house and the yard that is behind it. It is such a luxury that goes unnoticed here. Back on Mars I was considered a man of property because I owned a dwelling that actually had its own living room. On Earth my place was considered hardly more than a bachelor apartment.  

Mars is not all a life of enclosure and controlled spaces; instead it can be seen as two extremes. Inside the colonies and settlements it is confined environment full of human density but on the outside the landscape is absolutely empty. I am sure that the nothingness is a nihilist’s dream. I was once alone out there for three hours and from that experience that I can say the space and the time make you immensely aware of yourself. For me it was the longest three hours of my life.
 

Natalie and I were pen pals most of our life. We swapped e-mails and photographs since we were in school. I think that I latched on Natalie because were close together in age. With the age gap between her and James I also became the only family that she really had. After I took the children to school I thought about heading downtown to look for a job. Natalie stopped me as I was about to head out the door.
 

"Why don't we take a walk,” Natalie said. I shrugged my shoulders in response. It really didn’t matter to me where I went or what I did. “We will go to the river and talk." She added. I really couldn’t disagree with her, after all it had been her idea that I should come to earth to stay with her.
 

"You should get changed; we are not going to a business meeting." I always dressed business casual when I went out, it was a habit and a reminder of my more successful life that I had on Mars.
 

"This about as casual as I normally get," I laughed.
 

"Your so uptight" Natalie responded, “But you might want to wear something a little more casual.”
 

I went downstairs into the basement and sorted through my suitcases until I found some athletic wear. I realized that for the first time in years I really didn’t have to care about my appearance. On Earth I am nobody and there was no point in being pretentious, I returned to the living room wearing a track suit and running shoes feeling a little less self conscious of myself.
 

Natalie and I made our way down some old bike trials that ran behind her house. The grass was tall and the weeds were thick all around us. On the branches of the trees I could see birds and in the air insects flew around me. I was a little bit nervous trying to take it all in. We had arboretums back on Mars; they were well manicured artificial natural landscapes that were absolutely nothing like this.

 
"Don't you have to work?" I asked. Natalie was an editor and columnist for the local newspaper.
  

"How is aunt Klara doing?" Natalie asked as we strolled along the wooded bank.
 

"She is doing well, but she misses Dad," I responded. My dad had been killed in an accident three years ago. I sometimes blamed myself, at the time I had enough money that Dad could have retired. He didn’t and the accident happened.
 

Afterwards mom moved to the lunar colony, the pace of life was better for her there and it was more affordable. We hardly spoke since then.
 

"What about you?" she asked nonchalantly.
 

"I don't know, considering the circumstances I am okay.”
 

“I mean how do you feel about your father’s death?”

“I really don’t know what to say about that,” I responded. “The thing is that we use to fight a lot.”
 

"You do miss him, don't you?"

 
I didn’t say anything to Natalie at first. I picked up a stone and flicked it out across the water. It made a small splash. "The same way you miss James."
 

It bothered me that Natalie was bringing up the subject of my father. The loss of him and the turmoil in our relationship left a gaping hole inside of me. Pain seems to run in out family. I know that my Aunt Maggie, Natalie’s mother, never forgave my dad for leaving Earth. The thing that my aunt forgot was that times were tough for the family when dad left. Natalie and I strolled along the river until the trail headed back towards home.
 

"Well, what do you think?" Natalie asked.

     
"Think about what?" I asked.
 

"This place, do you like it here? Do you fine it peaceful?
 

"I find it both beautiful and scary. There are a lot of things here that I am not used to.” There was something in Natalie’s eyes, even though I had only seen her in person for two days now I could see that she was holding something back from me.
 

“There is something that you want to say.”
 

“I am going to be honest with you Peter; I didn't ask you to come here for just your own good."
 

“So much for benevolence,” I laughed. Natalie did not join me. “So what is it that you want from me?”
 

“I am dying.”
 

"Is that why you wanted to meet in person?"
 

"No, Peter, it’s the children, you are the only family I really count on. James is useless and mom and dad are too old. I want you to consider caring for them.”
 

"Me?" Was Natalie crazy? Other than finances I couldn't hold it together. All I had to do was make mental check list of my track record.  How many women did I go through after the divorce? How much did I gamble and lose? I am no father I thought to myself.
 

 "Why are you asking me Natalie? What about their father?" I blurted. Natalie shot me a very cold look. It was obvious that I had delved into forbidden territory.

We didn't say anything more as we returned to the house. I was shocked and appalled. This was supposed to be a retreat from my own problems, from the loss of my father, my firm and my wife. What the hell had I done? I just embroiled myself into a position I didn't need to be in. All I wanted was a stiff drink.

My dreams of returning to Mars as a new man quickly evaporated. In the back of my mind I had already accepted my fate. We said nothing to eachother the rest of the day, I spent most of it sulking on my bed.

I have never seen anything like it. Minerals crusted up on the faucet of my cousin's shower. I scrapped at it and some white lime powder embedded itself under my fingernail. This was my first time visiting earth. Everything seemed so heavy compared to my Martian home. I though that it would be easy to get used to but after a six month voyage in zero gravity my muscles were fatigued.

  
  The heaviness was something that I was going to have to get use to, after such a long trip I planned to stay here for at least a year. As I sat in the shower the only thing I could do was think about how everything was different on Mars. Apart from the hard water, Martians like me would find everything to be tainted. The dirt on the ground and the particles in the air were all very acute to me.

    Settlers that are fresh off the ship always comment that the colonies on Mars were very clean but very sterile. I never understood why people said this until now as I experienced the stark difference of my ancestral homeland.

    I have always had an interest in history. The one thing I remembered reading about the last great migration when settler moved to the new world was that if settler prospered that would often make a journey back to visit the motherland at least once in their life. I am sure that their perspective about that motherland would be entirely different after living in their new homeland.

    In my case it was my parents who were the immigrants to Mars. My mother was a metallurgist and my father a computer engineer who brought to work in the Hydra Corp mining facility. My parents were nostalgic for life on earth. This place brings out entirely different feelings for me.

    Mars is truly a multi-cultural society where there is little attachment to one’s ethnic identity or one’s faith. Words such as nationalism had no place on the Martian colony. It shocked me that people on Earth clung to these anachronistic identities.

    The truth is that this voyage was not entirely voluntary. Back home I had lost everything in a bad business deal. For seven months I tried to get by but I couldn’t get out my financial problems. In the end I had to turn to family and that meant going back to Earth. My cousin Natalie offered to accommodate me as I sorted things out. The thing I dreaded the most was that this place may end up becoming home. Hard water continued to pound me as I showered.

  
"Breakfast?" my cousin Natalie asked when I went into the kitchen. Natalie’s house was an older two story frame house where nothing was level. It was decrepit in my opinion but to be fair there is nothing over fifty years old on Mars. Even thought the house was old I preferred to stay inside.  Everything is so large here that I am in a constant state of agoraphobia. The expanse of everything boggles me.

    "I bought some fresh strawberries," Natalie said while she tried to motion me to the table. Strawberries were an absolute luxury on Mars. A quart basket of strawberries that Natalie had bought for only few dollars would cost over a week’s salary on Mars. I had only had strawberries once in my life.

   At first I was hesitant; I held one between my fingers the way people would hold a diamond.

   "Nothing," I responded as I slowly brought it to my mouth. It was delicious. All my Martian instincts held me back from having more.

    "Go on," she said. I really don't think Natalie understands that this was an absolute luxury for me. God I must seem weird to her.

    "Do you have any oatmeal? I asked.

    "No, I only eat fruit for breakfast." Natalie responded as she started eating a grape fruit. "You can make yourself a bagel."

So this is what life on earth is like, so alien and weird. All I could think was that I wanted to go back to Mars as soon as possible.

Its been 204 Weeks since I used this account but I am thinking becoming active again... trying to find my old posts without much luck!

Tom